Exhale

I've been trying to write the third part of my journey, but I just haven't been feeling it lately- writing in general, honestly. But fuck, today was a day. I'm feeling dissatisfied with my job. I loathe being there. And for the first time in my life I feel like I'm being pulled by my spirit to pursue something more meaningful. Don't get me wrong, I've WANTED to do things that I see as meaningful. But now I'm feeling like I have no choice. Like I'm being pulled, physically, at times. I'm just ready to go.

On top of having a long day at work just by being there, I also had a poor day in my marriage. I struggle with anxiety caused by financial stress. Last night my wife's Amazon Prime account auto-renewed. It put a pretty significant financial burden on us. I realized today my reaction to it was not good. I looked at it like it was her fault. Like she would randomly remember today was the day Amazon would be taking our money. My oh my. Unfortunately, that reaction led to some friction between her and I. She deleted me from a social media app; and I think she may have blocked my phone number. I hate conflict in these circumstances. That means I won't be approaching her about it. This is where I give space and wait for her to let me know she wants to talk about it. For better or for worse that is my defense mechanism. We shall see how this goes. Welp, the dog is barking. Time to take him potty. I hope you all have a wonderful evening. Peace and love!